In a time ridden with war between humans, with Pokémon caught in the middle of the violence. The Alliance tries its best to defend the peace and freedom of Pokémon, but Team Fist continues to advance on Alliance territory and conquer their bases. The last hope for the Alliance was a group of Pokémon known as the Musketeers, who defend the homes of human and Pokémon. But even the Musketeers were growing weak. The alliance needed a hero in this time of darkness, someone who could stop this Dark-Age, reunite the Unova region, and save the lives of human and Pokemon.
Hey everyone, It's the Supernerd! Welcome to my first fan-fic, The Musketeer Code. I hope it'll live up to everyones expectations. I will update with a true chapter/prologue soon.
Chapter 1: Breaking News. As Elliot lay in bed inside a blissful sleep, a buzzing began to ring in the distance. The alarm had been set to wake Elliot up at an earlier time, but to no avail his slumber continued. Elliot had fallen asleep with his Solosis in his arms. At the sound of the alarm it slipped out of his embrace and floated around Elliot’s room waiting for the boy to respond. Solosis took matters into its own hands to wake the sleeping child. A pink pulse radiated out of Solosis, illuminating Elliot’s bedroom. Elliot jolted awake, his brown hair standing on end.
“Wh-wh-what was that?!” Elliot looked around the room for the source of the shock . Solosis floated towards the now alert and awake Elliot. The boy shouted in a bout of anger, “WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT USING PSYSHOCK ON ME!” A smile changed to a frown on Solosis’ face and he floated out of the room. “When will he learn,” Elliot sighed. The boy strolled out of his room and down the stairs into the living room. His brother Drayden was sprawled out on the coach, clad in his purple trainer gear. Elliot settled into the nearby chair and turned on the television to find a breaking news report about to air.
A women’s image flickered onto the television screen in front of what appeared to be a stone archway.
“I stand here in front of Opelucid Gate and behind me lies Route 9.”
Elliot came to a realization, “Drayden, that’s just across town!” “Shut up you little runt, no one care,” Drayden rebutted. Elliot was getting frustrated with his brothers constant teasing, but he knew he could never win in a fight. The news report resumed.
“We have received words from Ally troops that Team Fist has made an advance towards Opelucid City, the last remaining Ally stronghold. A battle currently rages on at the Moor of Iccuris with a large biome of Pokémon species caught in the middle. As a defence measure, squadrons of Haxorus will patrol the gates of Opelucid. This concludes the Breaking News report.”
Author Note: Wow, alot shorter than I expected, sorry about that, there wasn't much to write about in the first chapter.
Is this set before or after the events of Pokemon Black and White? It sure seems like a prequel, because Drayden's acting like an *******.
There were a couple of minor grammar mistakes.
The Alliance tries it's best to defend the peace and freedom of Pokémon, but Team Fist continues to advance on Alliance territory and conquering their bases. The last hope for the Alliance was a group of Pokémon known as the Musketeer's, who defend the homes of human and Pokémon.
A couple things here. First off, when use in the possessive form, "it's" should be written "its," bvecause "it's" is contraction of "it is". Same thing with "Musketeer's". No unnecessary [strike]apostrophe's[/strike] apostrophes.
“When will he learn” Elliot sighed.
There should be a comma before that last quotation mark.
Same deal here:
“Shut up you little runt, no one cares.” Drayden rebutted.
That first period should be a comma.
And yeah, it was a bit short. other than that, this looks... quite good. Keep it up. :D
Thanks, Things show up a lot smaller than on word in here. I'll have to make it a good two pages on MS Word for a decent sized post. Bump Edit: Sorry for the hiatus but I completely forgot. I'm starting chapter 2 tonight though.
Elliot trembled in fear. Team Fist would be ruthless in destroying Opelucid. The thoughts swirling in his head were to much for Elliot to bear. He ran back up the stairs and into his bedroom, carefully closing the door behind him. Elliot proceeded to his closet where he slowly opened the old door, it creaked as he pried it open. Inside lay a tattered up suitcase with the leather peeling off. Elliot picked it up and flung it to his bed, where it landed with a thud on the Pokéball design clad comforter. Elliot jumped backwards on to his bed, making the suitcase temporarily airborne. With utter precision he undid the latches and flipped open the lid.
Inside lay a plethora of Pokemon action figures, Elliot prided himself with having the biggest collection on the school yard, but that had no effect with impressing the students. His only friend was Solosis. His thoughts wandered back to the case. He picked out three figures, one by one. The first was a magnificent blue stag with yellow horns, Cobalion the Courageous. The next a brown and orange ox, Terrakion the Strong. Finally, the sleek green antelope, Virizion the Agile. He fiddled with them in his hand before he spoke. "Cobalion, Terrakion, Virizion, the Musketeer Trio. Please, save us from the horrors of Team Fist and stop their rampage. For Pokémon and Humans everywhere... we need you." Elliot prayed. A single tear rolled down his face, fearing the worst. He placed the figures back into the case, carefully re-latching it. When Elliot turned around he saw Drayedn in the door. "Playing with dolls again, Runt?" "T-th-they're action figures..." Elliot whimpered. "What do you want anyways?" "Lunch is ready, hurry up." Drayeden remarked as he slammed the door behind him when he left the room.
The rest of the day went by in a blur, untill their mother came home. When Elliot told her about the news, she gave him the typical motherly soothe-saying. Dinner passed by without a word, and at the stroke of 8, Elliot's mother spoke, "You've had a long day honey, you should get some rest..." Elliot listened with no objections, hurrying up the staircase. He changed into his Rufflet pajamas that his father gave him before heading off to battle. Elliot hit the lights and tucked himself in. Within minutes he was in a deep, deep slumber...
Elliot's eyes opened to a magnificent scenery. He lay in a patch of long,lush, green,grass. Trees surrounded him, ablaze in the colours of autumn. A tornado of leaves flew in front of him, blinding his view. As the leaves cleared he saw a herd of Servine scurry away. All of the sudden a lake appeared no less than 3 meters away from him. The lake rippled and began to part, with a strange creature standing in the middle.It had a red mane with blue laurels. Seemingly it was a horse with a single horn. It had a light blue tail like a feather in a cap. It slowly started to move towards Elliot, gradually picking up speed. It skidded to a halt in front of him and locked eyes with the boy. Sweat beaded down Elliot's face as it started to fade away. The lake was gone too. Elliot stood up, looking around. The leaves returned, surrounding him entirely. The wind currents lifted the small kid up into the sky. He screamed.
Elliot jolted up, befuddled by his dream. He was soaking wet, but it wasn't sweat covering him. It was water. Elliot was truly befuddled by the dream. The creature didn't seem like one which would merely be created by a wild imagination.Still drowsy, Elliot returned to his slumber and left the mystery of his dream till another day.
Critique appreciated, preview for chapter 3 up soon.
As I said I would, I am going to critique chapter 2, and I have ahd an awful day. I'm going to be unfront and honest here, I thought this was going to be hard work, I thought I'd be here for ages going through your work and correcting your mistakes. I was mistaken. If this wasn't good, I'd be ranting to you, telling you that it was crap. I am very, very surprised, and I actually sort of enjoyed reading it, plus there was little error, so that's a good start. At the end of the first line it says: 'to much', it should be: 'too much'. That's all I could find to be honest, I liked your style of writing, the extended vocab, the pacing, the characters. It was actually a pleasure to read. Though, this has been addressed to you before, the length is far too short, I know not much goes on in the chapter, but it still could be made longer by adding more events, even if they aren't exactly key, but could add onto charcter development through speech and actions.